apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
