I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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