Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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