no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
