I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
