I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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