he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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