and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize