I will die if light touches me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
