He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
