She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
