you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
