Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
