its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
