Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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