I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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