does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
