She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
