Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
