please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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