Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
