gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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