remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
