all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
