; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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