dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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