Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
