soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
