tell your sister to shave her snatch
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
