me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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