I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
