He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
