I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
