look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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