i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
