I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This is classic penis vs brain.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
