i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
