Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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