Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
