Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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