i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
