I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
