theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
