i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
