oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
