I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
