I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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