On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
