Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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