Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
