Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
