Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
