dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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