No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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