I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
