Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize