just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
