I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
