Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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