Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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