So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
