my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
