Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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