At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
