like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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