I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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