If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
