what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There r osticjed everywhere
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
