don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
