when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
