I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
