i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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