Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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