So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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