Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize