If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
